Thursday, July 19, 2012

Ridiculous Questions And Ridiculous Answers

When your kid turns 3, be prepared to field some interesting questions. Because, the questions.....they will come. And they will be weird. Bonus mommy points if you can come up with equally weird answers.

Based upon the questions that Jacob threw at me this week, these are the things toddlers really want to know:

1. "Do goblins brush their teeth?"

     Appropriate Answer: Aside from Uncle Leroy, Goblins do not exist.

     My Answer: Yes. Every time they eat a little boy. Who wants little boy fingers stuck in their teeth?

2. "When people are bad, do their bones melt?"

      Appropriate Answer: Being bad does not usually cause someone to experience physical harm. Being caught, now that's another story.

       My Answer: Every time you leave your toys out for Mommy to step on, your bones will shrink one millimeter. That's why old people are short-- they left out their toys many times.

3.  "If we have more babies, then will we have more mommies too?

      Appropriate Answer: No. The stork brings babies. The stork does not bring mommies.

      My Answer: If Daddy spends one more weekend working on his junky old car, Mommy might trade Daddy in for a second mommy. Mommy could really use her own housewife anyway.

4. "Are spiderman's spidey senses in his heart?"

      Appropriate Answer: Yes. (Cause really, who wants to go into the metaphysics of Spiderman with a toddler?)

      My Answer: And in his pants. (*cough* erotic Spiderman dream *cough*)

5. "Where do T-rexes sleep?"

     Appropriate Answer: Dinosaurs died many years ago. They do not exist anymore. But maybe there will be nice dinosaurs in heaven?

    My Answer: T-rexes sleep in beds. DUH. They don't really like bunk beds though because their arms are too tiny to climb down the ladders and so they get stuck on the top. They also sleep in fossil beds (hee hee).

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