Oh man, you guys are awesome. There were so many times I wanted to delete the last post. I would start to hyperventilate about what I just did and then a second later I would be convinced that it was no big deal. I know I'm bigger than it. I just need to prove it to myself. And admitting my problem is the first in a long series of steps. The next will likely be telling my husband (he knows about my blog but doesn't read it). I know I should have told him first. I tried. So many times. But it's just so much harder to put everything into words than in text.
On a lighter note, work is crazy this week. Our office manager is out for her honeymoon (I went to my first Muslim wedding, in a mosque, which is a whole 'nother post in itself!). And we are down a paralegal. So those of us remaining slightly resemble headless chickens and have been reduced to doing a lot of unusual admin work.
My days lately are filled with writing and responding to motions, probably my favorite thing about litigation because it includes both legal research and crafting/organizing argument. I was never a very argumentative person and could never have imagined myself in debate club but I increasingly find myself having to argue positions that I don't actually think are that strong. Sometimes I love these challenges the most.
I even get to argue two summary judgment motions, the first one this Friday. We estimate our chance of success at 15%....so yeah, no real pressure there. My boss has insisted that he will come and observe "just in case" and this completely rattles my nerves. It's hard enough to argue in front of a judge and opposing counsel. By noon on Friday, I will feel 100 pounds lighter.
My job requires me to tear apart and criticize statements of other people, craft a retelling of history that is favorable to our side, and put together responsive arguments. It's almost second nature now for me to want to respond critically to everything I hear. My poor kids hear me argue with news radio all the time. Today I even started to dip my toes into a couple of ridiclous Facebook debates (which I usually ignore like the plague- why the heck didn't I just keep scrolling?!). In the middle of one debate about teacher salary (why? oh why? I'm not even a teacher!) I accidentally boarded the wrong ferry boat. I walked onto the boat headed for my home instead of the boat to pick up my children. Luckily I caught the mistake in time and was able to board the correct ferry with 20 seconds to spare. We all made it home somehow.
Because we've been short-staffed this week, I was asked to come into the office everyday rather than my usual three days out of the week. At first I didn't think it would be a big deal. I did it everyday for a year and a half out of lawschool. But halfway through the week, my new schedule is already taking its toll. Mostly, I miss having the extra time with my kids.
When I have to go into the office, I leave my house at 7am in order to get to work at 9am. Then I leave my office at 4:45pm in order to pick up the kids at 6:30pm and get home at 7:30pm (or, if it is my husband's turn to pick up the kids, I take a different ferry and get home at 7pm). Either way, I get only one hour (of non-commute time) with my kids each day. This is not sustainable and I'm suddenly very apprecirative of the flexible arrangment that I worked out with my boss that I usually get to enjoy. This is going to be a very long week. I just need to survive until the three-day weekend...