Weekend Whoas!

 Oh my, where do I begin?  Our world has been exciting the past few days.  Mid-week Tyler and his uncle lost two cows.  When the vet came out he confirmed that Tetanus had taken them.  The following day they were alarmed to find they had lost two more.  They were advised to start taking temps of the entire herd to see how many where infected and unfortunately over half their herd had over 100º temps.  They needed to start treating all their cattle with antibiotic.  This was horrible news as it’s a daunting task to treat that many but to make matters worse we have been hit with an extreme cold front.  I think the high Thursday and Friday was mid-teens!  Our poor guys were out working in it all day! 

I called Tyler on the Friday morning to see how the cattle were doing.  He said they hadn't lost anymore and he had a little helper with him.  That’s right, Keeler had offered his services because he told Tyler he needed him.  

photo c/o Daddy

Tyler came home boasting with pride about how well Keeler had done.  He ran the “hot shocker” all day.  He couldn’t even see over the pins but Tyler said he was great help and never complained.  Tyler had him well attired for cold weather but I still can’t believe he did so well.  I hope he is always a hard worker.

On Saturday, Keeler went back out with Tyler.  There was no stopping him.  Kallahan and I did laundry and then I spent time getting ready for my work Christmas party. 

 You can tell in this picture that poor Tyler has wind burn and is exhausted but he was still the best date.  

 We had a great time!  We had a nice dinner and then went bowling.  This was our first party with our new location manager and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. 

On Sunday, we went to Sunday school.  Keeler wanted to go back out to the farm as soon as we got out.  I'm telling you, this boy is committed!  I drove him out so he could work and then Kallahan and I came back into town to do some shopping.  

In the afternoon we went and delivered Granny a poinsettia.  We got them for work and they were beautiful so I knew she would love one.   

 Kallahan's upset because he wanted his picture without Keeler.  "me, me." 

After a good Sunday nap the little cowboys and I made gingerbread cookies.  Keeler was really good with the dough.  He was really into icing them too but that only lasted about 5 minutes and then I was left high and dry to ice about 3 dozen cookies and with a big mess.  It was well worth it when Keeler told me that Christmastime is his favorite time of year!

Our Thanksgiving

Just a quick recap & pictures from our Thanksgiving holiday!

 Wednesday we packed up and headed to Texas to be with family.  Keeler was cooperative (for once) and posed for me with his festive preschool crafts!  

 Thanksgiving we had lunch at my parent's house.  It was a combined family Thanksgiving. Tyler's parents and siblings attended.  This meant Keeler and Kallahan had 3 boy cousins to play with.  They LOVED it!  

After lunch the Smith's stop by and I got to hold a cute little turkey!  

 All the food was fabulous and I ate waaaay too much!  The little boys on the other hand didn't eat anything but olives and pickles.  They were just too busy to eat.

However, us ladies worked hard burning off those extra calories by SHOPPING!  We headed out at 4pm for the first sale.  Then we just went from store to store until 5am.  We had so much fun!  We went and took a 2 hour nap and then Keeler and Kal thought it was time for mommy and aunt Samantha to get up.  Oddly we felt okay.  Good deals keep our adrenaline pumping.

 Late morning our dad went over and picked up my sister's kids.  Once we had all the kids we had lunch and then went back out shopping.  I know, we are crazy but I got all my Christmas shopping completed. 

Jacey and I also found new boots!  This is my um, Christmas present to myself.

 On Friday evening the little cowboys and their cousin Bryon went to Lubbock with their Mimi and Jim-dad to ride on the Polar Express.  They got dressed in the cutest pajamas.

 Mimi & Jim-dad were great and sent us lots of pictures while on the train.  They all had such a good time.  Us 'big kids' enjoyed a nice dinner out and then went over to Tim & Erica's.

On Sunday we loaded the car and ventured home.  The boys were impressed with one of my black Friday deals:  dual DVD player and matching headphones.

 But then we turned the corner and they were both out.  Someone even fell asleep with beef jerky in his mouth.  Stranger fact was he continued to eat it in his sleep.  Tyler and I were dying! 
We had a wonderful Thanksgiving.
  

...and when we got home our elf Howie had arrived!  He was seated at the boys little table with a note to each boy and these little personalized boot plates.  I think he said he bought the plates off Zulily and his stationary can be found here.  Thanks Jen for the cute FREE printables!  Since then Howie has been 'trying' to be more creative.     

How The Mom Stole Christmas

Every boy in the house liked Christmas a lot

But pick up their things and behave, they DID NOT.

Their Mom hated toys and the whole commercial season

You want to know why? I'll give you the reason

It could be that Mommy stepped on legos each night

It could be that Mommy's budget was a little too tight

Which explains why she could not go to the mall

and replace her mom jeans that were three sizes too small.

But whatever the reason, the legos or jeans,

While she sat in the bathroom cleaning pee off the latrine

Staring down at the seat, she pulled her hair and she cried

She steamed from the ears as her face went cross-eyed

For she could hear the boys in the room just next door

Dumping all their toys out onto the floor

"And they're coloring on their walls" she snarled with a sob

"and leaving poop-stained underwear on the door knob!"

Then she growled with her fingers nervously drumming,

"I MUST find a way to keep Christmas from coming!"

For on Christmas, she knew the disobedient boys

would wake up bright and early to find piles of new toys

And then! Oh the noise! Oh, the noise! Noise! Noise!

Because Santa will come, rain or shine, Christmas night

Even if all the boys did all year was FIGHT! And FIGHT!

and FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Each boy would tackle the stockings and gifts under the tree

And toss wrapping paper pieces like a wild banshee

And then they'd do something she liked least of all!

Every boy in the house, the tall and the small

would clutch closely their toys, all glittering and shining

She'd ask them to share and they all would start whining!

They'd whine! And they'd wine! 

And they'd whine! Whine! Whine! Whine!

And the more the Mom thought of the whole crazy ordeal 

the more the Mom thought, "I must stop this for real!

"For too many years, I've put up with it now!

I MUST stop Christmas from coming!...But HOW?"

Then she got an idea!

An awful idea!
THE MOM GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" She yowled through her yap
As she quickly made plans for a Santy Claus trap.
And she chuckled, and clucked, "What a great sneaky trick!
"With my grand, foolproof plan, I'll lock up that Saint Nick!"

"All I need is a chimney..." The Mom said as she guzzled some wine.
"A cardboard box, chicken wire, and some twine!
For when the kids see that St. Nick has forgotten

Maybe, just maybe, they will stop being so rotten!"

So the Mom plotted and planned all night and all day

She created a Pinterest board to help pave the way

And when it was time, the Mom's eyes glowed infrared

and she tucked her unsuspecting boys way deep in their bed

All the windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the boys were all dreaming sweet dreams without care
The Mom gobbled Santa's cookies, washed down with some rum
She hiccuped and giggled and prepared for the fun

"This is step number one!" The elated Mom hissed

As she clutched her well-laid plans in her fist.

Then she picked up the scissors snipped away with rage 

And began the construction to make Santa's cage

And as she was snipping and snapping and snupping

She stopped what she was doing when she thought she heard something

From the dark boys' room, she heard a little boy's prayer

and his gentle, soft voice soon filled the air

"Dear Santa," the boy started to say

"I have not been a very good boy today.

In fact I have had a pretty bad year.

So I completely understand if you leave no presents here."

"But please Santa please, I was doing my best

to toughen up my younger brother by being a pest

And the messes I made were not messes at all

They were forts and castles and towers and walls."

"Mommy says I was bad, but I just don't understand

Everything seems different to me where I stand

And those time I don't listen, I don't mean to disobey

So please Santa please come to our house Christmas Day."

And the Mom, with her evil-grinch glow 

Stood puzzling and puzzling, "Could it really be so?"

That maybe my boys aren't naughty and bad

Maybe they just have selective hearing like their dad?

Maybe these kids are just doing what little kids do

Maybe they're supposed to act like they live in a zoo?

And what happened then...? Well...I'll tell you what they say

The elastic in the Mom's jeans Grew three sizes that day!
And the minute that happened, she became much less uptight

and her cold frigid heart warmed all through the night
She thought of the times that her kids were quite sweet
Playing games, goofy smiles, sticky hugs were a treat

Her anger escaped and suddenly it became very clear
She wouldn't stop Santa from coming, at least not this year

She put away the scissors and wire and twine

And generously left St. Nick what was left of her wine.

The Mom hopped under her covers, happy thoughts floating in her head 

Content not knowing her kids had just peed their bed.

Christmas Bitch

Everyone loves holiday traditions, me included. But I feel like Pinterest and Facebook have kind of taken the fun out of them. Now, EVERYTHING has to be a tradition. There's an ongoing and concerted effort to turn everything into a "tradition" and to make everything "special." Parents are in a race to see who can be the most obnoxiously "cute" (and by cute, I mean "I just swallowed some throw-up") during the holiday season. Everything is so barfing kitschy.

Sorry, I drank bitch juice earlier today.

Example 1: kids nowadays can't have just any kind of advent calendars, they have to have fancy ones. A tree made out of 25 boxes full of goodies. Elaborate garlands with pockets filled with treats for every day before Christmas. It only makes sense in American that you would get a new toy everyday to prepare for and celebrate the one day where you are showered with gifts. Cause, you know how it is. It's just so hard to be inundated with all the objects of our desire on Christmas morning that we need 25 days in advance to warm up and get used to the feeling of extreme material bliss overload. 

Oh and advent calendars are not enough anymore. If you're any kind of cool, you'll have a creepy looking elf friend that comes to visit. Every night while you are sleeping, he will come to life and manipulate all kinds of random items in your home. What the hell? The magic of a fat man in a red suit traveling all over the world in a single night in a sleigh pulled by flying reindeer that stops at every single home so that said fat man can slide his huge belly down the chimney and leave a butt-load of presents for all the girls and boys ISN'T ENOUGH MAGIC FOR US? Also, how many times have I asked for a cleaning elf? If I don't get a cleaning elf, there is no way in hell my kids get a mess-making elf. 

And we can't just send regular Christmas cards anymore. If you send a regular ol' Christmas card without a cutesy and clever picture of your family being beautiful or amazing, then you can just expect right now that your plain ol' Christmas card will end up in the bottom of the Christmas card pile. Right behind the picture of Aunt May's dog Snuffy wearing a Santa hat and a perfectly poised, professional picture of the five Smith girls wearing matching Christmas dresses and smiling in unison (without any food on their clothes from the chocolate they DIDN'T eat, without shave marks in their hair from the time they DIDN'T give themselves haircuts, and without pants that are a half an inch too short because their mom actually is put-together enough to keep them properly clothed). 

The crazy thing is, Parents have ruined Christmas. RUINED. Christmas Eve and Christmas Day aren't special anymore. Why? Because every single day leading up to Christmas is a barfing holiday. We celebrate Thanksgiving by shopping for Christmas. Stores don't have sales anymore. They have "celebrations." We are in such a frenzy to do our long list of special "traditions," that Christmas is just way too much work. Every year we have to make Christmas even more mind-blowing than it was the year before. We have to celebrate everything, to the utmost fullest of our capabilities. 

Don't get me wrong. I LOVE Christmas. And the LEGITIMATE traditions that go along with it: Christmas trees, stockings, gingerbread houses, Christmas music (or whatever you grew up with in your family). I love them all. Every family (used to) have their own little ways to celebrate the holidays and make them special. There used to actually be MEANING behind these traditions. We did them because our parents did them. We did them because they were part of our culture or heritage. 

Now, we have commodified and commercialized the very concept of tradition. Parents are so quick to take up any tradition that they hear about, regardless of whether there is any meaning behind it. Adopting slews and slews of traditions purely for tradition-sake in an attempt to bring our children every possible ounce of hype totally strips away all the meaning. 

"Tradition" is now just an idea that corporations sell to susceptible parents who have embarked on the inevitable journey of keeping up with the Joneses. And the result of clamoring to be just as celebratory as our neighbors is that we all end up being exactly the same. We all do the same new commercialized traditions and buy all the same products necessary to carry out said traditions. If, in the unlikely chance that a person comes up with a clever and original idea, it is instantly commodified and marketed to all the other parents in a way that makes them feel inadequate if they do not follow suit. Everyone is out-celebrating everyone else. The result of all of this: Christmas has become so cluttered with hype that is has effectively been watered down. 

So what's a parent to do? I don't know. How about traditions that have a purpose? How about focusing on teaching our kids how to give rather than receive. Let's teach them to do things for other people rather than training them to expect more and more each year. In an effort to do this, I made a different kind of advent calendar this year. I took one of those garlands with 25 pockets and inside each one I put a slip of paper. Each slip has written on it an extra chore or task for my sons to do. Instead of getting new candies and toys each day before Christmas, they are going to do one thing extra. They are going to give. But not just things or objects. They are going to give their time, effort, and talent. That beats the barfing hell out of a stupid elf that does a different variation of meaningless crap every single night.

Maybe I'm being a little melodramatic. Maybe I've been sitting in the same room too long, inadvertently breathing my own recycled fumes and eating way too many processed, snowman shaped Ho-Hos. Or maybe I'm simply the Bitch Who Stole Christmas?

Billable Hours: Government Law Edition

In the family-friendly land of government law, "billable hours" is not such a bad word. Yes, it turns out that we still have them (where I am anyway) but they are mainly for budgeting purposes. "Billing" is such a loose term. "Billing" hours allows us to keep tabs on what government services and agencies use our time the most. Also, we do have some external clients that get actual bills.

The lawyers in my division of local government have a billable hour requirement. But it's a whole different animal than in private practice. I present....a demonstration:

Last week, I walked into my office and saw it. The dreaded billable hour spreadsheet. It was just sitting there, so-very-casually, on my desk. A bomb-detonator of emotion disguised as a harmless piece of paper. If you practice law in any private non-contingency-fee-based firm, you know what I'm talking about. You know the horror, the fear, the heart-stopping, body-paralyzing terror of the billable hour spreadsheet. It tells you, with pretty graphs and tables and formulas, exactly how far ahead (or in my case, usually behind) you are in reaching your billable hour goal (and from getting the life sucked out of your career).

My eyes scanned the numbers until they settled on my Number: 126. 

126 hours for my very first month at the firm. "I guess it's not HORRIBLE," I thought. But even as I thought that, I instinctively winced. At my other firms, I was required to bill at least 155 hours each month. My current number would be 29 hours short. That is almost 3.5 full days worth of work. I winced again. Well, it made sense. I took two sick days and spent two full days in non-billable training. Plus, it was a little slow going at first. 

I turned over the spreadsheet and sat heavily in my chair. That's when I noticed a bright orange sticky on the back of the paper. There, in pretty, feminine hand-written scrawl were the words, "Great job on your first month!"

What? Great job? I looked at the spreadsheet again which had a notation that my billable hour requirement was 1500 a year. I quickly did the math....wait, that came out to only 125 hours a month! Holy crap! 

So what would have been 29 hours short in my private practice attorney job was, in fact, 1 hour above my current billable hour requirement. And I wasn't even TRYING to meet my billable hour requirement that first month. I really wanted to do a happy dance but I was too deep into shock to move a muscle. 

Later in the day, my boss popped into my office and told me "good job" in person. She then commented, "We can always tell when someone comes from private practice. They are meticulous about their billing." I almost felt wrong accepting her praise. 126 hours was barely any effort on my part. In private practice, I would be scolded and reprimanded. They would demand that I come up with a plan for increasing my billable hours and insist on weekly follow-ups until I was on-track again. 

I'm still in disbelief about how amazing it is to be a government lawyer. If you can manage the discipline and long hours of private practice, you will succeed as a government attorney. And may even have a leg up.

Webb Family Photos

Over the Thanksgiving break my sister-in-law, Tiffany, asked if I would take their family photos.  {Make sure and check out her blog thebaseballmommy.blogspot.com.}  

I had so much fun taking their photos.  All her boys were so cooperative - a lot different from the boys in my life!  I could tell you all day how wonderful they turned out but I'll just let you see for yourself...  

 Bryon was so good the entire time!  He even said he had some ideas for his photos.  Tiffany and I decided that he might have a modeling career in his future.  Seriously, look at this kid!  Next GQ model?

and we can't forget Brody.  He is such a little doll!

I hope these put a smile on your face because this family sure makes me happy.  

Stay tuned for our thanksgiving recap!

Advent: Fun And Reflections

Today started with me wrangling two hyper-active boys and all of their stuff within a three foot long section of pew in Mass. Wedged between an older man and an older woman, I spent an entire hour mostly shushing my two boys, telling Ryan to stop coloring on the pew, answering Jacob's questions about how to spell randomly-selected words, physically restraining Ryan's feet when he insisted on swinging them in every direction, and picking Cheerios off the floor (and trying not to stick my butt in anyone's face in the process). I think I heard (and recited) the Our Father prayer, the rest of the Mass is just a blur.

Oh, except for the part when my son yelled during silent prayer time, "Mommy, are unicorns real?!"
"No. Shhhh."
"WELL I THINK UNICORNS ARE REAL!"
"Please, shhhh!"
"IF JESUS CAN BE REAL, UNICORNS CAN BE REAL!"

During the offering, I handed Ryan an envelope with some money and told him he could put it in the basket. Finally, the basket started to make it's way down the aisle in front of us. As it passed in front of Ryan, he chucked the envelope straight at the basket, nearly grazing the people standing in front of us. And, for the record, just barely missing the basket. The entire pew erupted into stifled laughter. I guess I should have make it more clear to Ryan that he was not supposed to "make a basket."

After Mass, our church celebrated the first Sunday of Advent with a St. Nicholas Festival. The kids got their photos with St. Nick. I made an Advent wreath. We all had cookies for breakfast. Hey, it's better than donuts, right?

Also, this is the note Jacob wrote me during Mass. He wrote "I Love You God" all by himself. I helped with the "St. Joseph."

Then I wrangled all the kids to the grocery store and then the fabric store. At the fabric store, Ryan fell asleep in my arms which made it really tricky to carry fabric up to the counter for cutting. And Jacob knocked over an entire rack of ribbon spools. The lady at the store tried to help him clean up but Jacob insisted on doing it all by himself, which took approximately one million seconds too long.

We got home to discover that my husband had finally purchased the new TV he had been talking about buying for YEARS. He likes to research, and compare, and read reviews, and measure, and research some more. I have a light trigger finger when I go shopping. When I want something (if I decide that I can afford it), I simply BUY IT.

We went from a 32 inch TV to a 51 inch TV. I never really wanted a TV this big. I grew up with a 13 inch TV and I still think that is good enough for anyone. But I have to admit, I like the way the TV fills up the blank space against the wall that used to taunt me every single night. Now the space between the two hangings above the TV taunt me (too far apart in my opinion). But I'm too lazy to move them. We have officially become a 2 TV household. That means, we have one TV per 475 square feet of house. Yikes. Too much.

One tiny living room. One ginormous TV.

My homemade Advent wreath with olive wood candle holders (from Bethlehem)

As if my day wasn't busy enough with shopping and organizing and laundry and making dinner, I decided we should have a family gingerbread house night. I have a fantastic recipe, I can't remember where it came from. But it actually TASTES good (unlike most gingerbread house recipes). And it's super easy.

Gingerbread Cookies/Houses

• 6 cups flour
• 1/2 tsp baking powder
• 4 tsp ground ginger
• 4 tsp cinnamon
• 1/2 tsp cloves
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 12 Tbs butter
• 1 1/2 cup brown sugar
• 2 eggs
• 1 cup molasses
• 1 Tbs water

Mix the dry ingredients. Mix the wet ingredients. Combine, a little at a time, then knead until dough forms a ball. Refrigerate for 2 hours. Roll dough out to 1/4 inch think. Cut out shapes. Bake at 350 for 15-20 minutes.

By the time I made the dough, let is refrigerate, cut out the shapes, cooked them, cooled them, assembled them,and then made the frosting, it was already 8:30 p.m. But Jacob and I had our hearts set on gingerbread houses, so we forged onward.

After years and years of making gingerbread houses that never stayed up, I finally got smart and used a hot glue gun this year. Worked like a charm. It was amazing. Considering that I have never met anyone who actually eats the gingerbread part of the house, I figured this was a safe bet.

Beautiful houses in progress:

Ryan is helping, kinda.

Is he putting candy on or taking it off? We shall never know.

Then he got a little bit sugar drunk. 

Actually, he was practicing his pig sounds when I snapped this shot. But this is how I look when I get drunk.

So proud (and excited to be up past 9:00 p,m,)

All done!

Before bed, Ryan flushed his sugar high out of his body by accessorizing his outfit.

Ryan walked around the house like this for approximately 15 minutes, while playing ball. Except the hanger kept falling off when he would reach down to pick up the ball. This made him a little angry. But he kept putting it right back on.

Most of my pictures of Ryan actually look like this (sans hanger):

Oh yeah, we also made Christmas ornaments. Although, we won't have a tree for another two weeks. Jacob decorated the one on the right. My husband "helped" Ryan decorate the one on the left. My husband spend way too long decorating his ornament and making sure it was just right. I think he has some childhood holiday angst to work out. Or just OCD.

It was a LONG and TIRING day. But my boys brought me so much joy and so many smiles. Sometimes I look at the boys with appreciation and sentiment and think, "Wow, God could have given you to anyone on the planet, but I'm so freaking glad he gave you to me."

Although I'm a born and raised Catholic (and would never chose to be any other religion- I truly love Catholicism) I do struggle a lot with my faith. The beliefs that came so easily to me as a child are so hard to accept as an adult. I feel a lot of skepticism and doubt. I've been unsure of a lot of things lately. I sit in the pew and I try to pray. But I just feel silly. Like an actor. It doesn't feel genuine. 

I'm the epitome of the Doubting Thomas. I have to see and feel to know that something is real. There's a lot about religion that I cannot feel or see, but the warmth and love and community of my church is 100% real. I can feel that, stronger than anything. I'm just holding on, hoping that one day everything will finally click.