This is such a hard thing to have to watch. I pretty much almost lost it Monday night. It's like, even with the trach, there is always something you can do. Well with his eyes, there's just nothing you can do. Will it heal? I don't know. The blister on his other eye still hasn't healed. So it's just something that we are going to have to deal with. That's what just stinks. I just feel like I have been so positive and so thankful and then things just keep on challenging me. It's so hard to be positive all the time. But I know I have to be for him. The worst part is that people just don't understand. They don't get what really goes on in this house. I wish someone could live our life just for one day because unless you live it, you just can't even begin to understand what it's like. No, I don't get to get out of the house for any amount to time. Randy and I don't get to go out to dinner together, or go anywhere together. If I need something- ANYTHING, I have to ask my mom, or sister, or someone to go get it for me. And sometimes, depending on the weather, I can't even take him outside because it's too hot, or too windy. We don't get to lead any type of normal life whatsoever. And please don't get me wrong... I live every single day to take care of my baby boy and I wouldn't trade him for anything else in the entire world. But I'm not saying every day is easy either. It takes everything in me to get up, put on a happy face, and keep going. He is what keeps me going. I know that my purpose in this world is to take care of my baby boy and give him the best life I can possibly give him. And I fight each day to do that for him. I want to take it away from him so bad... I want all the sores, all the pain, all the tears, everything. But I know I couldn't handle it like he does. I just want to hug him and cry... I could just do that for hours. The way he's looked at us these past few days is just pitiful. He's had such a sad look on his face and it makes me so so sad. Please Please send some prayers our way (I know so many of you already do and I appreciate it SO much.) Thank you.
Well, tomorrow is Talk Less Thursday, but I took way too many pictures in the last week to post them all tomorrow, so I'll post a few today, too. These are all before his eye problems started...
Daddy's birthday cake...
Admiring his Daddy...
Cheese...
Big Boy... all by myself!!
First time sitting up in the tub!!
He loved it!
Booty Butt Shot...
More to come tomorrow on "Talk Less Thursday"...
Love,
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