Happy 1st Birthday.

My sweet Tripp, 

Today you turn ONE YEAR OLD.  I can't believe it.  Sometimes it feels like only yesterday when they placed you in my arms... and then other days it feels like you should be 5 years old!  You have been through SO much in one short year.  As I write this I am lying next to you while you sleep... and good thing I'm not writing it on paper because I can't hold back the tears.  I have tears of joy and tears of sadness... but mostly I just have tears of LOVE.  I LOVE you so much that I don't even know how to say it.  Every single second of the day I just want to hold you and squeeze you.  And if you could talk, I know you're first words would be "I love you" because I tell you that at least 100 times a day.  

You are so special, my little man.  I know that it will be really hard for you to understand at first, but because you have endured so much pain and suffering... God has a very very special plan for you.  I just know it.  I can look at you and tell that you are an angel here on Earth.  Mommy is so lucky and so blessed to have you for a baby.  You have made me a better person in every way possible.  I will never take another day for granted... especially a day that I have with YOU.  

You are overflowing with personality.  You have a mind of your own.  You are completely 100% spoiled rotten.  And I'm not going to lie... (almost) anything you want, you will get.  Because you deserve it.  Right now you are clapping, banging your toys, smiling like crazy, rolling your eyes (precious), pushing backwards in your walker, turning the pages of your books, and lots of other fun things.  You are getting to be so much fun and Mommy thinks you are such a smart little boy.  

Right now, my heart doesn't know what to feel.  I feel so proud of you for fighting this horrible disease for a whole year.  But my heart is aching to watch you suffer everyday.  I have so many mixed feelings.  I wish I could take every single bo-bo away from you... from your eyeballs to the tips of your toes.  But what I think I'm really trying to say, my angel, is that I wouldn't trade you for any other baby in the whole wide world.  Because YOU are the most special baby in the whole wide world.  

My goodness, I love you.  I love you so much that it hurts.  And I hope and pray that you are with me for many more years so that I can SHOW you how very much I love you.  Have a wonderful day, sweet boy.  Mommy is SO SO proud of you.   And I am honored to be your Mommy.  

I love you, 

Mommy