This was by far the hardest Christmas I've ever had. We didn't take Tripp anywhere. We had Christmas with Randy and his mom and step-dad here at my parents house the night before Christmas Eve. Then my mom and dad went to have Christmas with my dad's side of the family in Lutcher, while Tripp, Randy and I had Christmas here with his dad, step-mom, and sisters.
Tripp maybe stood up to play for a total of 10 minutes the whole day Christmas Eve. This is when I had my nice little breakdown. Then Christmas Eve night, my mom's side of the family had their get-to-together and my mom came home early so that I could go for a while. It was nice to get out and get to see everyone. But it's sad that I don't get to bring my child to my family Christmas parties. That's something that you envision doing long before you have kids. And it hurts- even more knowing that not only is he not able to enjoy Christmas, but he's at home lying on the rocker in pain.
It's not fair. He should be running around like every other 19 month old. Getting into everything, tearing open gifts, and screaming out loud when he gets a cool toy. Instead, we couldn't even get him to sit up to look at his toys. Christmas day we spent here with my mom, dad, Randy, my brother Jason, and his girlfriend Ashley. Tripp woke up at about 11:30- and about once every hour, he would pop up and find a toy he liked, play maybe 2 minutes, and then have to lay back in the rocker again. Either because his eyes hurt, or because he was having trouble breathing.
As much as you prepare yourself for the fact that Christmas just isn't going to be the same with a sick child- it never really hits you until it's here. I dreamed of having kids my whole life. You think about those things when you think about having kids and a family.... opening presents on Christmas, or dressing them up in a cute Christmas outfit or dress. I think people take those things for granted sometimes. And it's no one's fault... but that's the "norm." And when you live outside the "norm" and don't have the chance to do those things... especially with your first child, it really hits hard.
I hate being Debbie Downer, I really do. I really had a great time with my family on Christmas. But I'm sad for my little man. I want him to be able to do the things a normal little boy could do. I want our miracle. And I'm not giving up until we get it... and neither is he.
On a brighter note, my sister and Uncle Mike are coming in from North Dakota on the 30th!!!
I am SO excited. Being the close-knit family that we are- it was tough not having them here for Christmas. But we did skype with them and get to play a board game with them... how cool is that?
Thank God for technology.
Here are the pictures from Christmas Day. They are somewhat deceiving, but we had the camera and video ready for each time he would pop up and play:)
I am, however, selfishly grateful that he is here with us another year.
Even though I know how much pain he is in.
And I hope I can share many more Christmases with him.
It'd be nice if they had a "spray tan" photoshop tool.
Big Bird was replaced... but only for a short while.
Mommy told me that I could never ride a school bus...
but she's didn't say I couldn't DRIVE one:)
My friends wore me slap out.
And here is his first attempt at his new power wheels!!
He's trying to press the button, but just banging the wheel instead.
And that "wave" he's doing- is him getting aggravated at us telling him what to do- don't let him fool you!!
I hope all of you had a very Merry Christmas.
Thank you again for all the support through this tough holiday season.
Love,
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