Still here...

I'm still here. It's been a little rough around lately... and I promise that one day I will give all of you an explaination, but now is just not the right time. Hopefully, things for me will be getting a little easier. But for my poor little man... his "rough days" seem to be multiplying.  He did have a nice little stretch where he was feeling good and playing a good bit, but the past few days have been so unfair.  He's having a lot of trouble breathing.  And his breathing treatments really aren't helping... and he's still at a high dose of steroids, so I can't really go up on them.  So I'm not sure what to do or what's really causing the bad breathing.  He tried to stand up to play a couple times today but then started having trouble breathing and wanted back in the rocker.  It's painful to watch... and just not fair. 

Not only is he struggling with the constant pain, but now he's struggling just to breathe.  I don't know if he has a cold, if the sore in his airway is acting up, or what... but it's making me just a little uneasy that I'm doing everything that I would normally do when his breathing goes bad, and it's still not enough. 

And now, there is no more doing bath on the table... only in the rocking chair.  And even that is a complete struggle to keep him from having a nervous breakdown.  He hates bath.  I hate bath.  My mom hates bath.  Anyone who watches bath hates bath.  And you have to actually see a bath to realize how traumatic it really is.  I start having anxiety at least a good 2 hours before bath... and I think he senses it too.  

I think we sometimes forget that he's almost 2 years old and is completely "intact" mentally.  And just because he can't speak to us, does not mean that he doesn't know exactly what we are saying.  So when we mention "bath" or a "diaper change," he immediately gets that pouty lip and starts with the anxiety attacks. The past few baths have just been miserable.  I'm not sure if it's because he's having so much trouble breathing or that he's just at the age now where he hates us messing with him and holding him down. 

Anyway, that's pretty much how it's been around here.  We are taking one day at a time.  If you have sent me an email or a message on facebook, and I haven't written you back... I am truly sorry.  I really haven't been on my computer in a while or in the right frame of mind for that matter.   I do want to say thank you, though to everyone for your kind words.  It's touching that so many strangers who don' t even really know my situation are so supportive.  I'm blessed with the best support system I could ever ask for.  Please bear with me on the blogging.  I'm trying hard to focus on what's important and using any free time I have to try and de-stress:) 

Hopefully, my little man will be back to being his rotten, fiesty little self in no time.  

He has now traded big bird for a pink pig.  I know... poor big bird.