A New Normal

I remember when Becks was first born, living my life in 2- to 3-hour increments as I tried to regiment his nursing and sleeping schedule and adapt to my role as the responsible party for a teeny, tiny baby.  Only two more hours until he needs to nurse again.  Only three more hours until B is home to help.  Only three hours until the sun rises and another day as a new mommy begins.  Only two hours in which to accomplish dinner, laundry, and a shower before Becks wakes up from his nap...

It was hard in the beginning.  And sometimes lonely in those overnight hours while I nursed a sleepy baby and B slept soundly next to us, with only Oprah to keep me company through her 3am reruns.  It was challenging and often left me bleary-eyed and exhausted.  Especially in the first two weeks post-partum, as the pregnancy hormones escaped my body and the reality of motherhood set in, I struggled to let B leave for work and even if he looked at me I'd cry.  Not for any reason, just because I was overcome with 12 different emotions - none of which I could explain in their entirety. 

Looking back, time was all I needed.  Time to adjust to my new normal. 

I see so many similarities between the newness of motherhood and my current situation as a working mother - the tears I've shed as I've adjusted to my new role, the exhaustion and lack of sleep, the stress of trying to do it all, the questioning of whether there is a right way and a wrong way to do it, the time crunches, the one-day-at-a-time mentality. 

Lately {like since May}, I've had the two week mentality.  Two more weeks until vacation.  Two weeks until the wedding.    Two weeks until Becks' 2nd birthday.  Two weeks until another vacation. Two weeks until school starts.  Two weeks until B leaves his job.  Two weeks until we go out of town.  Two weeks, two weeks, two weeks. 

And while many of our adventures brough great joy and fun to our lives, there have been many times where I've just wanted to be.  Be with my boys.  Be at home.  Be here, in the now, not living just so I can mark another event off on my desk calendar. 

And now, it's October. Three-fourths of 2010 has passed, never to return again.  It has unquestionably been one of the most busy, most challenging years we've faced yet.  As a couple, as a family, and as an individual. 

I'm finally, 9 weeks later into my newest position, adjusting to my new normal.  I don't feel like a boiling pot, filled to the brim just waiting to spill over {remember?}.  I feel like I can finally just be.  It's a good feeling. 

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And, because his blog appearances have been few and far between lately, here is the cutest boy in my world, being his silly self - all while running a 101 degree fever.  Gotta love preschool germies.